Now that we’re in the final stretch of this pregnancy and I’m really getting ready to introduce our sweet baby girl to the world, I’m starting to have those feelings of guilt I had when I was pregnant with Lavery. I remember the last few nights before she was born staying up crying, because I felt so horrible for our only child, my sweet little man to have some of the attention taken away from him. Everyone told me it was normal to feel and it would go away and they would grow up to be great friends, and while all that is true, I can’t help, but feel that way again this time.
The truth is, Lavery and I are best friends. I cannot imagine not sharing all of the things I share with my sweet little girl, and I’m so afraid I’m ruining that bond by having another daughter. While I’m so thrilled to give her a sister and I know she’ll love growing up with a sister to play with, share clothes with, and talk about boys – I can’t help, but feel like I’m completely ruining our bond.
While I’m so excited to meet our newest bundle, hold her, love her, and introduce her to her two older and eager siblings; I can’t help but, wonder if my fears are preventing me from truly bonding with her in these final weeks of being inside my belly. This pregnancy has been so different than my past two in more ways than one and being able to just sit down, relax, and enjoy the sweet baby kicks has been so hard to do with two other kids running around.
Are you expecting or have you in the past and had the same feelings? Well, I’m here to tell you moms; you’re not alone. I think this is something we all feel and go through and I can say that and feel okay about my feelings knowing I had them last time and Lavery found her place in our family just fine and I can’t imagine not having her here. Her and her brother couldn’t be closer and the fears I had of how a new sibling would make him feel were completely nonexistent. I think as moms, we have a fear of admitting feelings like this. I know I did. I didn’t want people to think I didn’t love this baby (or in my past case, Lavery) and I felt guilty for feeling the way that I did.
Feeling guilty for feeling guilty, imagine that?
While I keep telling myself it’s a little different this time considering I’ll be having a second daughter, I have to believe God placed this sweet baby girl in our lives for a reason and I know she’s only going to bring joy. I just hope and pray Lavery and I continue to have the same bond as we have now, just adding another little sister into the mix and bond we share too! She’s already bonding with her baby sister in my belly… now if I can just take the time to relax and enjoy these final moments before they’re gone forever.